Being a teacher of five years now plus a heritage of coming from a teaching family and my years of babysitting, camp experiences etc. I feel like I am well on my way to having the right to say the phrase, "I've seen it all." But the truth is no one has seen it all when it comes to children and their behavioral responses to things they encounter and deal with. However, parents, teachers, grandparents and caregivers of children can provide stability of development for any child regardless of their age or background in the area of obedience. Within this article I will be discussing basic ideas for teaching obedience in general and introducing the brilliant concept of first time obedience. So let's get started!
We've all seen it and heard it, Child: "No, I don't want to," followed by the parent talk talk talk and more talk about why they will do what they are told and what will happen if they don't. Since when did children debating become successful? The answer is never. I am all about encouraging children's individuality, creativeness, and helping them to be who they are meant to be. Over talking is a huge parental blunder that everyone becomes prey to no matter how good a parent they are. Here is where first time obedience saves the day. You give an instruction in a pleasant but authoritative tone, the child either chooses to obey the first time, or settles with a consequence of sorts which is totally up to you. Once you cross that threshold you move on and talk is not an option. You are the parent and this is called real parenting. You are not their buddy buddy or friend at the start, you are the parent that shows love by seeing that they are ready for their future. This solid teaching will flow over to the child's response to teachers, coaches, parents of their friends, governmental authority figures etc. It's harder than it sounds to consistently enforce, but the payoff is amazing!
Discipline is love that takes on various forms. Children don't always comprehend that they are being disciplined because you love them, but you do love them and your disciplining should be with love at the forefront! Never discipline out of hurt or anger. This said, following the disciplining of your child, a verbal "I love you" should be expressed followed by a hug and a brief discussion on what the child can do next time to avoid getting in trouble and being disciplined for the same type of thing again. Good discipline takes pre-thought and deliberate, controlled actions. A lack of any form of discipline is unfortunately a tell tale showing to a child that they are not efficiently and fully loved.
When dealing or serious talking with your child, be sure to be at eye level with them. This could be for example when you are providing them a warning of some kind, "Look at mommy's face, what did she just ask you to do?" in which the child will be forced to think of what they are to be doing and what they are going to choose to do. This idea/concept is very important. You should never be looking down upon your child when having a developmental conversation. This eye level idea is not showing that you are equals, but rather that you view them as a special person worthy of your taking the time to look them directly in the eye and calmly talk to them as a person you love, respect, and deeply care about. They eyes are also a vital organ that mirrors what you are truly feeling and expressing from your innermost self.
After consistent employment of first time obedience procedures you get to progress to rewarding obedience instead of disciplining for non-obedience. This is much more enjoyable for all and a huge step towards opening the door for more teaching opportunities between the parent and child. Tangible rewards for little children are particularly enjoyable. A treat like ice cream, new toy, trip to their favorite place etc. are all excellent options and sometimes just verbal praising, a pat on the back or a hug is enough for basic rewarding. Find little ways of praising your child's good behavior in front of others as well, be proactive in noticing when they do right on their own, and remind them of choosing right when they look as if they are heading down a path they shouldn't be.
A happy, grounded child knows exactly where they stand in the world and will be willing to do what they are asked if they know what is expected of them and the rewards and consequences of choosing right or wrong. They also should feel utilized and that they are a contributing part of your home and family. Give them little jobs that they can do on their own, this not only provides teaching opportunities but also gives them a feeling of independence and self worth.
To conclude, all the above tips and suggestions largely rest on the shoulders of the parent or caregiver in more ways than one. Parents, be organized and have your own life together so you can focus on the needs and training of your child. Parenting and the teaching of obedience is hard work and exhausting work that has to start early in your child's life, they need it as do you in order to enjoy the journey you have ahead of you. All said, be loving, firm, consistent, and non contradictory and watch your child blossom before your eyes.
Sources:
- Personal teaching experiences and my own successes
- Ehow.com/Obedience
- Interactivechecklist.com
Abby Rupert Baus - Abby Rupert Baus: Teacher and young authoress who believes in and values the power of love, education, and words
